妈妈:来自小孩的定义

在 Google Reader 上偶遇此文,有小孩子的幽默,令人莞尔。我就把原文翻译了。看看两年级的美国小朋友如何定义妈妈及相关种种。父母希望孩子长大有出息,殊不知童真更可贵,因为它太容易失去。

为什么上帝创造妈妈? 

  1. 她是唯一知道透明胶带在哪儿的人。 
  2. 主要是为了来打扫房子的。  
  3. 我们出生的时候,帮忙我们从里面出来。 

 

上帝是怎么造的妈妈? 

  1. 用尘土,就像给我们其他人一样。 
  2. 魔力,加上超强能力,和很多的搅拌。 
  3. 上帝象造我一样造了我妈,只是他用了大号的零件。 

 

妈妈是什么材料做的? 

  1. 上帝用了云彩,天使的头发, 和世界上最美好的东西,还有一丁点儿狡猾。 
  2. 从男人的骨头开始, 然后她们就不停地搅拌;我是这么想的。

 

 

为什么上帝给你你的妈, 而不是别人的妈? 

  1. 因为我们是一家人。 
  2. 上帝知道她比别人的妈妈爱我多得多。 

 

你妈妈小姑娘的时候是怎么样的? 

  1. 我妈妈一直是我妈妈,没有其他的。 
  2. 我不知道因为我住在哪儿,不过我猜她可能很喜欢管别人。 
  3. 他们说她以前很好。 

 

妈妈在嫁给爸爸之前要知道什么? 

  1. 他的姓。 
  2. 她一定要知道他的背景。比如,他是坏人吗?他是个醉鬼吗? 
  3. 他一年有赚800美金吗?他对毒品说‘不’吗?他对家务说‘是’吗? 

 

你妈为什么嫁给你爸爸? 

  1. 我爸爸会做世界上最好吃的意大利面。我妈总是吃很多。 
  2. 她太老了以至于和他做不了别的事了。 
  3. 我外婆说我妈头脑发昏了。  

你家谁说了算? 

  1. 我妈不想做主,可是她没办法因为我爸是个大笨蛋。 
  2. 妈妈。一到检查卫生的时候就明白了。 她总是能看见床底下的东西。 
  3. 我猜是我妈,就因为她要做的事比我爸多得多。 

 

妈妈和爸爸有什么不同? 

  1. 妈妈上班的时候工作,下班回到家还是工作;而爸爸只是去上班。 
  2. 妈妈知道如何跟老师说话而不会吓到他们。 
  3. 爸爸更高更结实,可是妈妈是真正有权力的,因为如果你想要去朋友家过夜你得问她。 
  4. 妈妈有魔力,不用吃药,她们就会让你感觉好起来。 

 

你妈妈空闲时间做什么?

  1. 妈妈们没有空闲时间。
  2. 听她说,她一天到晚忙着付账单。

 

什么能让你妈妈更完美?

  1. 就内在而言,她已经完美。说外表,她需要整容手术。
  2. 染发,你知道,她的头发。我也想染,可能染成蓝色。(小朋友没弄清楚 ‘节食/diet’和 ‘染色/dye’两个词。如果直译,就是, 节食,你知道,她的头发。我也想节食,可能是蓝色的。这就更搞笑了。)

 

如果你可以改变你妈妈的一个方面;那会是什么?

  1. 她有让我保持房间整洁的怪癖。我想让它消失。
  2. 我想让我妈妈更聪明一点,那样她就知道是妹妹干的坏事,而不是我。
  3. 我想她能处理掉她后脑勺的那些隐形眼睛。

原文

Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:

 

 


Why did God make mothers?
1. She’s the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

 


What ingredients are mothers made of ?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men’s bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.


Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We’re related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people’s moms like me.

 


What kind of little girl was your mom?
1. My Mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don’t know because I wasn’t there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn’t have her thinking cap on.


Who’s the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn’t want to be boss, but she has to because dad’s such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

 


What’s the difference between moms & dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power ’cause that’s who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend’s.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

 

 


What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don’t do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she’s already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I’d diet, maybe blue.

 

If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I’d get rid of that.
2. I’d make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

 

 

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